About This Site
You’re probably wondering what this site is about, why you should care and what to have for dinner tonight. As I’m writing, I realise that I have no finite answer to any of these questions.
The site is a chaotic pile of thoughts and ideas which – at the time – seemed appealing. Whether you care or not is highly subjective – you don’t really have to give a fuck about anything in the end, least of all a random site on the internet.
I guess I’ll at least tell you a little about myself. Don’t worry, I’ll dedicate the largest part of this page to the most pressing issue – your dinner.
Back in the day when cartoons and Game Boy gaming was, like – a thing – I was the greatest Pokémon Master on the block. As a kid, my parents brought me and my brother on trips in the beautiful Swedish nature a lot, something which I am thankful for as it gave me an appreciation for nature and the natural. I also watched cartoons as a kid as we had great stuff in the 90s. I don’t think there are that many great cartoons for kids like Darkwing Duck, The Powerpuff Girls or Tarzan these days, are there? Am I being biased with nostalgia here?
Anyway, come the turn of the 21st century, the performance of computers advanced faster than ever. I dabbled in simple game programming and design as I was interested in video games. Today, I’m a computer science student (a programmer) with an emphasis on artificial intelligence. I still hold a deep appreciation for nature and have a bunch of other hobbies like lucid dreaming, aikido, teaching and learning.
My best experience on the internet is having created four in-depth guides in niche computer gaming areas. I had over 100 000 visitors to these guides through reddit. These were complete passion projects with no monetary claims involved. I believe that open-minded and original content is the basis from which good visitor relationships are built.
Licheus is the alias I’ve been using at reddit, Imgur where I published the guides and many other places. Simply speaking, on the internet I’m Licheus and you can call me that. Not Alan, Rick or Albert.
About Your Dinner
Now to the important part: your dinner. Here’s my full recipe for chow mein. Works for experienced chefs and complete amateurs in the kitchen alike.
The key when making good food that simply works is to strike the perfect balance between freshness and time consumption/effort. Don’t let anyone fool you into thinking good food is about fancy words, lots of ingredients or the health aspect. Also, don’t let anyone fool you into thinking junk food is good food – it falls on its own semantic contradiction.
I’m always upset when some snarky TV-chef tells me how simple this next dish will be, just for them to pull six bowls of pre-made sauces out of their ass the next moment. Therefore, don’t let anyone implicitly tell you that good food must be complex either.
Stick to the basics, use fresh ingredients like good quality vegetables and focus on making good tasting, simple dishes before experimenting with ingredients and seasoning. Most westerners eat far too much meat and way too little vegetables, so that’s why I suggest a traditional vegetable and noodle dish from China. Here’s how you make it:
Bring a pot of water to a boil. Pour in some noodles (exact amount doesn’t matter). When you think the noodles are finished, just put them to the side and pour out the water. It doesn’t matter if they get cold; we’re going to fry them later together with the vegetables.
Now, remember that this site isn’t about food. Don’t let anyone fool you into thinking this is about food. I’m helping you find a solution to your problem here, nothing more. This site is bigger than food; bigger than life itself. Make sure to take notes. Okay, back to the recipe:
Chop up carrots into long sticks. Slice a paprika or two into long, delicious strips. Sizes aren’t important for now. Get some bamboo shoots if you have them. Contemplate on why you spent so much money on that nice knife set if you never chop vegetables with them anyway. Feel ashamed of yourself.
Chop a bundle of scallion/green onion into rings or strips or whatever you deem most visually pleasing. Get a bag of cashews if you can. Peel a handful of garlic. You can never have enough garlic in your food.
Now that our ingredients are chopped up and ready, pour oil into a frying pan and put it on medium-high heat. “What kind of oil?” you ask. Doesn’t matter. I like something flower-based and clean for frying vegetables.
You’re with me? Still not about food. Okay, good. So:
Put the ingredients in the warm pan in the order they cook. This means: carrots go in first followed by bamboo shoots and cashews followed by paprika and garlic. Your tools to not burn everything is playing with the heat and to putting more oil in. You’ll find and calibrate the sweat spots with time.
Put in the scallion and the noodles at the end. Serve in deep plates with soy sauce and sesame oil at the side. Convince your suspicious family standing by wondering what happened to that pizza take-out (which is, to be fair, relatively good food) that vegetables aren’t rat poison.
We don’t need beef. We don’t need chicken. Remember: you’re learning the base here as you’ve been mentally and physically abused by the western food industry into only recognizing the tastes of sugar and salt. We’re resetting our internal clock with some traditional Asian vegetable goodness.
Please leave a comment if anything is unclear. =)
Tim not giving a fuck:
Dogs 1 – On the internet, nobody knows who you are:
Dogs 2 – Remember when on the internet, nobody knew who you were: